Handling relationships can be tricky for those with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The symptoms of ADHD, such as inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, can affect personal connections and lead to misunderstandings between partners. Recognising the signs of ADHD in adults is crucial for managing these challenges [1][2][3].
ADHD is a condition that influences many parts of a person’s life, including their relationships. The main symptoms of ADHD can show up in ways that challenge communication, intimacy, and trust. Understanding how ADHD affects relationships can help both partners navigate these issues [4][5].
Inattention can make it seem like the person with ADHD is not interested or doesn’t care, as they may have trouble focusing during conversations or remembering important dates and commitments.
Impulsivity can lead to spontaneous actions that may be difficult for their partner to understand, causing frustration and confusion. Hyperactivity, which can manifest as a constant need to stay busy, difficulty relaxing, and even challenges with sleep, can also affect leisure time and intimacy in relationships.
This creates a difference in expectations and interests, with the partner with ADHD seeking more excitement while the non-ADHD partner may prefer stability.
Recognising the signs of ADHD in adults can help in understanding and managing the condition. Common signs include:
Untreated ADHD can have significant impacts on relationships and overall wellbeing. It can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. In relationships, untreated ADHD might cause repeated misunderstandings, frustration, and conflict. It can also result in poor job performance and financial difficulties due to disorganisation and impulsivity [7].
People with ADHD often struggle with forgetfulness and disorganisation, which can lead to missed appointments, forgotten anniversaries, or a cluttered living space. These issues can cause frustration and feelings of neglect in the relationship [5].
Impulsivity and emotional ups and downs are common challenges in ADHD relationships. The person with ADHD may act without thinking about the consequences or experience intense emotions that can lead to arguments or hurtful statements [5].
ADHD can create communication barriers due to difficulties in active listening, impulsivity, and unclear expression of thoughts. The partner with ADHD may struggle to stay focused during conversations, leading to interruptions, distractions, or seeming disinterest [5].
Good communication is key in any relationship, but it is even more important when ADHD is involved. Here are some ways to improve communication:
The non-ADHD partner can support their partner by understanding the challenges they face. Learning about ADHD can build empathy and strengthen relationships. It’s important to have open and honest conversations where both partners can share their needs, frustrations, and concerns without fear of judgment [4].
Here are some ways partners can balance responsibilities in a relationship when one partner has ADHD:
If ADHD makes it difficult for one partner to pay bills on time or manage money, the other partner can handle those tasks. Assign tasks that play to each person’s strengths to avoid frustration and resentment [7].
Have weekly check-ins to discuss the division of household tasks and responsibilities. Rebalance tasks if one partner is feeling overwhelmed to maintain equity [7].
Assign age-appropriate chores to children to reduce the household workload. It can be helpful to provide multiple reminders to children about their chores or offer lists to help them remember their tasks. Consider hiring a cleaning service, grocery delivery, or setting up automatic bill payments if affordable. For incomplete tasks, the non-ADHD partner can step in as the "closer" to finish them [7].
Establish routines and use tools like wall calendars, to-do lists, and reminders to provide structure. This helps the partner with ADHD know what to expect, remember tasks, and stay on shedule [7].
If the ADHD partner struggles with completing tasks, the non-ADHD partner can divide the task into steps. Writing the tasks and steps down can also help. The ADHD partner follows the plan set by the non-ADHD partner to increase chances of completion [7].
Arguing with someone who has ADHD can be challenging. Here are some strategies to help manage conflicts:
ADHD can sometimes contribute to toxic behaviour in relationships. Here’s how to identify and manage it:
Professional help, like couples therapy or individual therapy, can provide valuable guidance and support. A therapist can help couples manage the challenges associated with ADHD and come up with strategies that work for them. Seeking help is especially important in cases of untreated ADHD, which can exacerbate issues in the relationship [5].
At HealthHero, we understand the complexities of ADHD and its impact on relationships. Our team of experienced professionals offers comprehensive support and resources to help individuals affected by ADHD. We provide counselling and therapy services to support individuals in managing ADHD. Visit our ADHD Management page or explore our Comprehensive Guide to Understanding and Managing ADHD for more information.