Do you show signs of adult ADHD?
Handling relationships can be tricky for those with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The symptoms of ADHD, such as inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, can affect personal connections and lead to misunderstandings between partners. Recognising the signs of ADHD in adults is crucial for managing these challenges [1][2][3].
How ADHD affects relationships
ADHD is a condition that influences many parts of a person’s life, including their relationships. The main symptoms of ADHD can show up in ways that challenge communication, intimacy, and trust. Understanding how ADHD affects relationships can help both partners navigate these issues [4][5].
Inattention can make it seem like the person with ADHD is not interested or doesn’t care, as they may have trouble focusing during conversations or remembering important dates and commitments.
Impulsivity can lead to spontaneous actions that may be difficult for their partner to understand, causing frustration and confusion. Hyperactivity, which can manifest as a constant need to stay busy, difficulty relaxing, and even challenges with sleep, can also affect leisure time and intimacy in relationships.
This creates a difference in expectations and interests, with the partner with ADHD seeking more excitement while the non-ADHD partner may prefer stability.
Signs of ADHD in adults
Recognising the signs of ADHD in adults can help in understanding and managing the condition. Common signs include:
- Difficulty paying attention to details and making careless mistakes.
- Trouble staying focused on tasks or conversations.
- Often losing things like keys, wallets, or phones.
- Being easily distracted by external stimuli or unrelated thoughts.
- Difficulty following through on instructions and completing tasks.
- Frequent fidgeting or restlessness.
- A tendency to procrastinate and delay certain tasks.
- Talking excessively and/or interrupting others.
- Struggling with patience, both with others and themselves.
- Difficulty with emotional regulation, sometimes leading to emotional outbursts [1][3][6].
Effects of untreated ADHD
Untreated ADHD can have significant impacts on relationships and overall wellbeing. It can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. In relationships, untreated ADHD might cause repeated misunderstandings, frustration, and conflict. It can also result in poor job performance and financial difficulties due to disorganisation and impulsivity [7].
Common relationship challenges with ADHD
Forgetfulness and disorganisation
People with ADHD often struggle with forgetfulness and disorganisation, which can lead to missed appointments, forgotten anniversaries, or a cluttered living space. These issues can cause frustration and feelings of neglect in the relationship [5].
Impulsivity and emotional ups and downs
Impulsivity and emotional ups and downs are common challenges in ADHD relationships. The person with ADHD may act without thinking about the consequences or experience intense emotions that can lead to arguments or hurtful statements [5].
Communication barriers
ADHD can create communication barriers due to difficulties in active listening, impulsivity, and unclear expression of thoughts. The partner with ADHD may struggle to stay focused during conversations, leading to interruptions, distractions, or seeming disinterest [5].
Strategies for better communication
Good communication is key in any relationship, but it is even more important when ADHD is involved. Here are some ways to improve communication:
- Be clear and direct: Use simple and straightforward communication, as a person with ADHD might find it hard to understand ambiguous or implied meanings.
- Regular check-ins: Set up regular times to talk about the relationship, daily tasks, and personal feelings.
- Active listening: Reduce distractions during conversations and create a quiet environment to help maintain focus [4].
Building understanding and empathy
The non-ADHD partner can support their partner by understanding the challenges they face. Learning about ADHD can build empathy and strengthen relationships. It’s important to have open and honest conversations where both partners can share their needs, frustrations, and concerns without fear of judgment [4].
Balancing responsibilities in a relationship when one partner has ADHD
Here are some ways partners can balance responsibilities in a relationship when one partner has ADHD:
Divide tasks based on strengths and weaknesses
If ADHD makes it difficult for one partner to pay bills on time or manage money, the other partner can handle those tasks. Assign tasks that play to each person’s strengths to avoid frustration and resentment [7].
Evaluate and rebalance workloads regularly
Have weekly check-ins to discuss the division of household tasks and responsibilities. Rebalance tasks if one partner is feeling overwhelmed to maintain equity [7].
Delegate tasks and get external help
Assign age-appropriate chores to children to reduce the household workload. It can be helpful to provide multiple reminders to children about their chores or offer lists to help them remember their tasks. Consider hiring a cleaning service, grocery delivery, or setting up automatic bill payments if affordable. For incomplete tasks, the non-ADHD partner can step in as the "closer" to finish them [7].
Rely on routines, schedules, and visual planners
Establish routines and use tools like wall calendars, to-do lists, and reminders to provide structure. This helps the partner with ADHD know what to expect, remember tasks, and stay on shedule [7].
Split up individual tasks
If the ADHD partner struggles with completing tasks, the non-ADHD partner can divide the task into steps. Writing the tasks and steps down can also help. The ADHD partner follows the plan set by the non-ADHD partner to increase chances of completion [7].
Strategies for dealing with arguing and conflict resolution in ADHD relationships
Arguing with someone who has ADHD can be challenging. Here are some strategies to help manage conflicts:
- Stay calm and patient: Avoid raising your voice or becoming overly emotional.
- Focus on the issue, not the person: Address specific behaviours rather than making personal attacks.
- Use “I” statements: Express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. For example, “I feel upset when the bills are late.”
- Take breaks: If an argument gets too heated, agree to take a short break and revisit the discussion later.
- Seek compromise: Find solutions that satisfy both partners and are realistic given the challenges of ADHD [5].
- Understand that your ADHD partner's behaviour and reactions are likely not intentional or malicious, and they may not even be fully aware of how they are acting.
Identifying and managing toxic behaviour
ADHD can sometimes contribute to toxic behaviour in relationships. Here’s how to identify and manage it:
- Signs of toxic behaviour: Constant criticism, controlling actions, frequent lying, self-critique and lack of respect.
- Addressing toxic behaviour: Have honest discussions about how these behaviours affect the relationship and set boundaries.
- Seek help: Consider professional counselling to address toxic behaviour and develop healthier interaction patterns [5].
Seeking professional help
Professional help, like couples therapy or individual therapy, can provide valuable guidance and support. A therapist can help couples manage the challenges associated with ADHD and come up with strategies that work for them. Seeking help is especially important in cases of untreated ADHD, which can exacerbate issues in the relationship [5].
How HealthHero can help?
HealthHero offers support for those struggling with ADHD by providing professional advice and lifestyle guidance. To learn more, visit our ADHD management page.
